You know on Property Ladder or Grand Designs...

...when a couple are up to their eyeballs in debt, saying things like "We have no choice: we'll just have to find the money from somewhere" and "We've just got to keep going: we can't stop now or we'll lose everything", and then they take out another credit card to pay off existing credit cards, loans and mortgage and maybe you think "What idiots, taking on more than they can handle!" or "Jeez, I could not handle that level of stress!", but then it all works out and they have a beautiful home and maybe you think "Wow!" already having forgotten the torment they went through just 10 minutes ago on the show?

Well we're that couple right now and we're not at the end of the show yet and it's horrible.

This is the first post I've written and then been unsure about publishing: maybe because we're British so we don't talk about money or maybe because I worry you might question my motivation for sharing this on a blog.  (Trust me, it's not because I'm proud of it or looking for sympathy: I'm mortified that so many people will know how tight money has got for us recently.  Plus I'm bound to hear from my mum that she can't sleep for worrying now she knows!)  But my original reason for writing a blog was to document this whole process, not just the physical transformations to the buildings involved.  And perhaps I think it's worth explaining that although I put together spreadsheets and flow charts for financial projections and cash-flow and worked through "what if" scenarios, we were let down big time by someone who made promises they couldn't keep and these things happen and there's no point complaining about how unfair that is or how they could have caused us to lose everything: I just thank goodness I'm as cautious as I am financially (no, really!  Another lesson about preparing for the worst case scenario and being one step ahead!) or we would have been in way over our heads long, long before now.

We're a week from getting building control sign off on the big UK project, which means agents can start marketing the flats, but we won't see any money from (fingers crossed) sales for at least 2-3 months with Christmas and New Year in the way, and all our "free money" 0% credit cards start charging interest from January, so with invoices piling up and nothing in the bank the best way I've found to keep going is to not think about it too much but just keep plugging away at what you can to push the projects forward...

...and then if a cheeky, ridiculous, utterly speculative application for the max loan your bank offers comes back not with a "Yes", but a "Yes, we have just transferred the money into your account", you might giggle like a schoolgirl because although it is another loan and debt is bad according to 90% of people 90% of the time, you know that the interest on the loan is way less than the crazy interest on the credit cards coming up for payment in just a matter of weeks and that lump sum has just bought you some breathing space and the chance to enjoy Christmas without having the awkwardness of giving home-baking as gifts when the recipients really wanted something less, well, home-baked!

We're still that couple and we're still up to our eyeballs, and maybe you're still thinking "What idiots!", but I remind myself that

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all"

                                                                Helen Keller

and then say a big thank you to whoever is up there for this little reprieve.