You may choose to look away now if you don't like the "Sometimes this is just so tough" posts! I make no apologies for writing when I feel like this, as I always wanted this blog to be a fair reflection of the ups and downs of developing property, lest I be accused of sugar-coating the reality, but I try to be a positive person and do hate to sound like a moaner! I feel so fortunate to be able to do something that 95% of the time I completely love, but I'm in the 5% just now!
In short, it's the end of the project. Forgetting the sanding and staining and finishing of the floorboards, there probably isn't more than 1-2 weeks' work left. If conditions were perfect then the floors should be done in 2 weeks too. Of course, conditions are rarely perfect, and at this stage of the process, most everybody is physically and mentally tired, so I'm not sure talk of perfection is helpful in the slightest!
It's an ongoing battle as a perfectionist to accept myself at times like these when I know I am not performing as I like. Of course I'm not the first working mum to feel she is letting down the little person who is used to feeling like he is the centre of her world, but now finds mummy impatient and stressed, with no time or energy to play. I hate that this work has done that to me, when I've always been so proud of who I am as a mother, and I'm aware I'm not myself with most everyone else around me too.
Things are particularly tricky for me this time as I'm not only trying to drive a high quality finish on a project with a toddler in tow (who seems to be intent on giving me a preview of the terrible twos!), but, and please excuse me, I don't mean to be dramatic, I also have some medical stuff going on. Nothing too serious thankfully, but hospital procedures and check ups and medication are messing with my body, mind, sleep and emotions and it's all making me such a mess right now. I know I'm not even close to being at my best, let alone any kind of a pleasure to be around, and yet, at this final stage of the process, I feel I need to be on site more than ever to make sure the finishing touches that will be staring at me for the foreseeable future are as I envisioned and as I have fought so hard for all along.
I'll post some photos below so you can see how BH is coming along, but first, if I may, I'd like to share some nice things I've heard while working on this project. They go a long way to help balance out just how very (not one to mince my words!) crappy I feel right now.
Firstly, from a friend and fellow mum:
"You run your own business while looking after your little boy full time and always look so glamorous: You're such a role model for other mums."
Glamorous - ha! But thank you, I'll take it!
Secondly from a contractor on the project who I've worked with several times now over the years:
"I don't know how you do it. You've done a lot of these renovations. I couldn't do it."
So nice to hear that from someone working in the same game
Thirdly from the main builder, who is charming to everyone, but said he was being serious:
"If my wife was like you, I could take on the world."
"All of the guys on site ask how it's possible you manage a project of this size with a little one.
I've never seen it before - you're one in a million."
"Typically in business it's men, but you're better."
"If there were a building exam, you'd get full marks: couldn't get higher."
Like I say, charm personnified, but I like to believe there's a bit of truth in some of it at least.
So, if you're still with me after all that, thank you!
As promised, here are some photos to show you where we're at:
|Gorgeous metallic splash back going up in kitchen - yay!|
|Some floorboards polish up great...|
|... bought in some similar to replace those that don't!|
|Gorgeous floorboards looking just as I hoped - yay!|
|Choosing carpet - ugh!|
|Fantastic skylight looking just as I hoped - yay!|
|Took a while to find the right one, but...|
|Bold colour in the living room - yay!|
|Bold colour in the master bathroom - yay!|
So really overall I know we're getting there and of course it will all work out in the end. Forgive me for being tired and emotional. A ragazza's allowed a little wobble now and then, right?!
Just a last little push to get this house finished and I can be swimming in the sun in the Adriatic Sea.